Single Parent Dating

What Are You Waiting For?: The many cases for getting married younger.


A nice Jewish mother of two Princeton men who wrote a page-and-a-half letter to her sons' school newspaper this spring advising Princeton women:

"Find a husband on campus before you graduate. [...]compared with 1930, the number of 50-year-olds who report never having married is actually a bit lower.

Pity poor Susan Patton. A member of the pioneering class of 200 women who turned Princeton coed in 1973, she is now, in her own words,

"a nice Jewish mother." A nice Jewish mother of two Princeton men who wrote a page-and-a-half letter to her sons' school newspaper this spring advising Princeton women: "Find a husband on campus before you graduate."


"Smart women can't (shouldn't) marry men who aren't at least their intellectual equal," she continued. "As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market.

Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again--you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you."


Somewhat predictably, the Internet erupted, calling her everything from "elitist" to "archaic." The first charge seems fair--as someone married to a proud graduate of the University of North Florida, I cringed at the idea that the Ivy League contains all the good men. But "archaic" seems a bit much.

A college campus contains a very large number of single people with roughly the same life goals. For most people it is, indisputably, the last time you will be surrounded by such a large collection of eligible singles.

What's wrong with looking around to see if there's one who might make a good husband? Or, for that matter, a good wife?


But somehow, we're not supposed to say that, or even think it. These days, your 20s are not supposed to be for an "MRS degree" or starting a family; they're for finishing your education and finding yourself.

Marriage used to be the event that marked your passage into adulthood--the cornerstone of an adult life. Now it's the capstone, the last thing you do after all the other foundations are in place.


As someone who got married in her late 30s, I'm glad that women aren't racing from commencement to get to the church on time. Nonetheless--again speaking as someone who got married in her late 30s--I think we might now be taking things a little too far. It isn't that I think we're missing our chance to get married.

In fact, compared with 1930, the number of 50-year-olds who report never having married is actually a bit lower. Rather, I'm worried that if we keep pushing for ever-later marriage, it will come at an ever-higher cost.


For highly educated women who delay until they're settled, the risk is that they will outrun their fertility--a small risk, but one that grows as education and career start consuming more and more of our youth.

Anyone who has watched a friend struggle through rounds of fertility treatments will attest that when this small risk hits, it is emotionally catastrophic. For those who delay, it also means higher risks of birth defects, as well as the probability that couples will be sandwiched between the needs of infants and aged parents.